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The Beginning….

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

        So, the song from The Sound of Music Do-Re-Mi, comes to mind at the moment. The song begins with the lyrics:

        “Let’s start at the very beginning, A very good place to start”

        The beginning is that I have OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD-Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, dyslexia and CPTSD-Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That’s a whole lotta disorder in one little sentence isn’t it? And that’s just the stuff that they have decided is wrong within my cranium at this point in life.

        So, why the blog? I have had a journey through coming to terms with my free range brain and all its components that has helped make me who I am.   And for the record, I happen to like who I am most of the time. I want to share it for many reasons, a few of which are: helping anyone else I can to not have to go through as many years of crap as I did, helping me delve deeper into who I want to be, and finding the keys I need to transition to the next phase in my life. Ya know, the little things in life…lol.

        I will focus a good deal on what the current journey is like in finally getting treatment for my lifelong OCD, etcetera and how I got to where I am. However, that will not always be the focus. My brain loves to wander many places, do many things and write about them so there will be much of that as well.

        I have sat down no less than 50 times to start this blog in the last several months because I think it’s important. However, every time I get something sketched out in my head or even written down and then I get what I have begun to term “whiteboard”. Whiteboard is when I am going along with a wonderful thought, plan, etc. and then my brain looks like nice shiny new whiteboard in a classroom with not a single mark on it. It drives me bonkers when this happens.

        You may say, “But Mags, just go back to it later and finish the thought.” Well, that’s a dandy thing to think and I so wish I could. Alas it doesn’t work that way of late. Once I get the whiteboard it stays that way on that thought process. I can come back to a topic later but the thought process won’t be the same. I have tried every way you can think of to get back into that thought track and finish it up. To say that this makes me very not happy to feel like I have begun to lose control of my brain is a vast understatement.

        Throughout this blog if an entry is going along nicely and then it ends in “whiteboard” now you will know what happened. I am still working on overcoming this so don’t think I have given up because I absolutely haven’t.

        Something you will soon find out about me is that I like to try and take a situation and turn it positive no matter what it seems like to other people. When something goes wrong, not my way, completely against plan, and is just generally what most people sit and cry over their beer about, I try to look at it and figure out what I can learn from it. If I can learn something then it is not a lost situation. If I can take something away from a situation that I can use in the future and build on then I consider it a good thing, even if the overall event was something that others would consider terrible.

        I may have different ideas theological, metaphysical, lifestyle or otherwise that you don’t share. Take what you like and leave the rest. There will be a time that you won’t agree with me nor me with you and that’s ok…how we handle that lack of agreement is what matters. I shan’t be rude with you if you won’t be so with me. In truth, I likely will not be rude with you even if you are so with me.  I do not appreciate bad manners or even a lack of manners.

        So, welcome to my free range brain. Pull up a chair; wander the halls and gardens, delve into the fridge, come out on the patio and have tea…generally make yourself at home. Let’s converse, share ideas, be creative and learn more about each other.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. primal permalink
    Tuesday, 26 July 2011 1:21 pm

    My nemesis is the Compulsive Disorder combined with P.O.W. Syndrone P.T.S.D. I am driven by that white board especially in my art. Similarly, If I stop and return, the thought process is different so I become frustrated that I cannot finish what I started For me though, I become indifferent and detached. Its a Fuck it, I don’t care.on a certain level.


    • Mags permalink
      Wednesday, 27 July 2011 4:47 pm

      You gave me something to look up re: P.O.W. Syndrome within PTSD.

      Man, the whiteboard thing seems to chase me down the most within my writing and artistic endeavors! It is infuriating, daunting & just a plain ole pain in the butt! I keep working on different ways to overcome it. I do love a Gordian Knot solution but those rarely happen for me. lol


  2. Jason permalink
    Tuesday, 26 July 2011 6:14 pm

    Excellent start, chicky… keep it up! I look forward to reading more.



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