Mother’s Day Hermitage

I wasn’t sure I was going to post this but I really feel moved to do so as this is a tough topic for me and therefore means I need to examine it and share it. I love my mom but we have a weird relationship and always have kind of. But she’s not what this post is about. I love that we have a days to celebrate parents (though I think that should be every day really as most moms and dads are pretty awesome).

Mother’s Day is a really tough day for me every year. I tend to hermit up on Mother’s Day and stay away from social media as it’s just too overwhelming for me. Something a lot of folks don’t know about me is that I really wanted to be a mom and think I would have been a pretty great mom on a lot of levels. Due to severe PCOS and other health conditions it just never happened and now it can’t due to a needed hysterectomy. Fostering and adoption were also not options for me/us. I know that my life is just not meant to contain motherhood to a child of my body this go around and most of the time I am ok with it. But, there are certain times that I still struggle with never having the chance. I struggle with not getting to help raise a small human and hope they go on to make the world a better place. I struggle with knowing that I won’t have the comfort of them in my life as I grow older. I struggle with not seeing my family line go on for a lot of reasons. So when I see all the ads about Mother’s Day I start to shut down and tune out. My mom has suffered for that over the years on Mother’s Day and for that I am sorry. I keep working on this every year and it does get better but I do wonder if it will ever really go away.

I have a dear friend who told me some years back that every person I have sponsored, mentored, been a deep friend to and helped are all sort of like my kids in a way. That thought has helped me a lot over the years thinking that hopefully a piece of me will live on in all the teaching, mentoring and sponsoring that I do. At the root of all I am is the desire to help make the world just a little bit better place. While I didn’t get to do that having a child, perhaps in just a lot of little ways I still managed to do so.

To all of the others out there like myself, I see you, I feel your pain and I love you. We don’t have to be defined by whether we had kids or not and I know how hard it is in a society that values parenthood so highly as a status marker. Be your awesome self and keep kicking ass!

To all of you awesome parents out there rocking it each day, I see you and I appreciate having you in my life. You teach me and help me help others through what you do with your kids. Keep being awesome and make time for yourself too!

Now I am going to go get some tissues, dry my eyes and get back to kicking butt!