Holiday Mood

For me the things that people talk so much about when they are discussing the “holiday mood” rarely get me in the spirit because it’s about so much more than that for me. Shopping, wrapping presents, going to see light displays (which mind you, I do love) and so many other things of this ilk are just not what it means to me.  For me, the holidays are about giving of time, love and service.

Some years ago I stopped buying presents and began making them, when there was nothing I could make I offered my time and my strength to those who needed it. I have no money but I always have me and of that I give freely. This has been a tough year for many of us and I think that not many people really are “feeling it” this year.  I have not been feeling the holiday spirit because this year I couldn’t even make presents for those who are most dear to me. I love the making of things, the time that goes into them, the love they are crafted with and I realized today that I was sad because I could not do that this year.  I am so broke I can not even make cookies or the like because I honestly can’t spare what little money I have.

Today was a really tough day; my car had to go in the shop for long overdue repairs that were going to cost me more than I have.  It had come down to whether or not to pay the power bill or fix the car. Well, if I didn’t fix the car, I had no way of potentially making money when the opportunities arose. So, I fixed the car.  My ex husband was here helping me do a couple things around the house, which was really nice of him.  Long story short, he was playing fetch with the dogs and I got caught in the cross fire and taken down by two 75lb dogs broad siding my left knee.  He felt horrible even though it was no one’s fault and it was just a stupid accident.  After hobbling back in the house I had to cancel the visit from a friend today and it turned out he couldn’t make it after all (nothing like a clogged septic to wreck your Saturday plans). This meant that I also couldn’t go to the house warming party for a friend that I had really wanted to attend because I was without a car, I didn’t have a ride and he has stairs in his place and with the rapidly swelling knee; no dice.

My ex kindly brought in some firewood for me and banked up a fire before he headed out to check the progress on my car.  He had arranged to have it fixed by a mechanic friend so that it would at least not cost me a kidney.  The only down side to the friend discount in cases like this is that you are a slave to their schedule and you really do not want to complain due to said discount.  Every silver lining has a cloud it seems when you are doing the friend discount.

So, at this point in the day I was really starting to feel like utter crap.  I scanned my movies and settled on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer because that always makes me smile at the least! I went looking for something to occupy my hands while I sat and found a stash of yarn I had forgotten: score!  I settled on the couch with the greatest of care with my icepack was already on the chair.  I can’t do a lot with the yarn I found but I can make a couple presents for those who I know can use it, who will love it and that is perfect!

Suddenly my day is looking a whole lot better!