No Tears

I am on the verge of tears this morning and they just won’t spill over and come out.  I don’t know why, I really want them to. Maybe that’s the problem: I want them to.  I never imagined that one day I would think my not being able to cry was a problem and it would frustrate the hell out of me!  I have tried so hard my whole life to keep the tears in and not show what is considered weakness by my family.  I need to really sob it all out and get this shit out of my system and break loose the backlog and I just can’t.  I get a few tears out here and there but it’s like as soon as I realize I am doing it my subconscious flips this switch and I can’t keep going.  I don’t know what I need to push me over that edge and make me just let it go.