State of the Mags Address

9 June 2011

I figured that was better than “Temporarily Out of Order Part 2”. lol

So, if you are just joining us, you may want to read the original post here.

Monday was the last dosage bump until I go back to the doctor on July 12th. When I saw her last week, pre-bump, I told her that we needed to get me to the therapeutic level (150mg) and leave me there for a while. I need to know if these side effects are going to go away. I told her that I can deal with it to get me where I need to be but I can not live this way all the time! She totally understood.

In less than a month I have lost enough weight, from not eating much of anything because I am always nauseous, that the jeans I got as a birthday present on the 13th of May are sliding down to my hips and dragging the floor a bit. Yes, yay for losing weight I say!  But damn, couldn’t it have not been through barely eating for a month. Though I have to say, having my roomie Wolf stand over me and say “EAT!” is kinda amusing at times. He gets that uber serious face of his and crosses his arms looking all mean and stuff. For some reason he is not amused when I laugh….no sense of humor toward the sick chick I tell ya! lol

The being light headed has eased up but not the shaking like I have palsy. sighs There are still other side effects in residence but I am holding off any judgment for at least a couple more weeks. I have a hard time focusing still and that is why I am still not online much. I am trying to keep up with e-mails if nothing else but even those I have been slow to respond to so don’t take it personally. It’s just that my brain is not fully functional right now. I read stuff and by the time I am done reading it I can’t concentrate enough to craft a reply that makes cohesive sense. For a wordy cuss like me, that is hell! For example, it has taken me three times coming back to this to get it completed and gods I hope it makes sense. sighs

I am having a hell of a time keeping up with my basic commitments etc. I have been working the last few months to clear some things off of my plate to make life more manageable right now by getting back to the bare basics. So, if you see some things change in regard to groups etc. don’t wig, it’s just me doing what I need to do to get some balance. I am still around and I will be out as much as limited budget allows.

Speaking more openly about what I am going through with all of this is VERY tough for me. It is hard because there is always the fear that there will be judgment or ridicule. OCD is made fun of in media or over dramatized toward the symptoms. Hell, I have made fun of myself to throw attention off of the reality. No more. Only people who see me regularly, or daily, (My poor roomie) really understand to some extent what it is like for me living with OCD, long term PTSD and other things. Even then they are not in my head with the jumbled & repeating thoughts.

I have managed really well most of my life without meds but as with many things that go untreated, in time they progress. That is what has happened here and I am not going to let it win!

I am going to start a blog about my experiences, the struggles, the wins and learning how to live my life differently in a positive way. (And here is where Free Range Brain was born.)

This is my life and I am taking it back!
~Mags