To Hear or Not To Hear

That is the question.

So, I should have my tired butt in the bed but that isn’t going to happen until I get some of this last week & today out of my head.  I meant to write a follow up post to my previous post I’m Sorry, Can You Repeat That? last week but life sped up to warp speed & that didn’t happen. So I am going to get around to that now. 🙂

So, I was supposed to go tomorrow to get fitted for my hearing aids. A nifty thing happened last week and they had a cancellation & were able to get me in late in the day on Tuesday April 30th.  I was excited because this meant that I would have them to go to a retreat and would hopefully be able to hear better while there!  

I went in & the doctor set me up with a pair of amazing hearing aids. Then she told me how much the set I was most likely going to need cost. I almost gave them back to her right then and said “Thank you but I cannot afford them & I don’t want to know what it’s like to hear if I can’t afford them.”  But the truth deep in my heart was that I *did* want to know.  So I let her set them up, turn them on & put them in my ears.  I about went through the roof when I reached over to pick up my glass of water with ice in it. It sounded like shattering glass!  While we talked, several sounds made me jump & we laughed about it. She said it was normal and that I was going to hear a lot of things that I hadn’t for a long time.  Boy was THAT an understatement!

Long story short, I had to go back the very next day to have them turn them down several decibels so I didn’t feel like I was getting spun around by every little noise.  That helped immensely!  

I struggled mightily with the hearing aids over the weekend of the retreat, ending up with a very severe migraine Friday night & was very ill from it. Everyone was so helpful, checking on me, helping where they could, taking over my team for me.  I was and am so grateful.  

Monday morning I called the audiologist to tell them what had happened & that I was only using one hearing aid because I was afraid to try both due to the migraines. She said I did the right thing & to stay with one until my follow up today.  The good new is that she made some  adjustments today that we hope will help and she has me back in both of them.  I need both and she really stressed that to me again today.  I went the rest of the day in both and so far so good.

Now the not so good part.  My insurance will not pay a single cent for the hearing aids. To top that off I was denied the $7,000 credit for them (yes, that is how much they actually cost…I was speechless when she told me initially). Honestly, even if I had gotten the credit I could not have afforded the monthly payments for it as they are ridiculously high….think car payment high ($600).  

Every time I think of having to give them back in two weeks I start to cry.  I didn’t know how much I couldn’t hear until I *could HEAR*.  I am startled by things that I know most people take for granted.  I didn’t realize how much I missed birds singing early in the morning, because the sounds of their songs had slowly slipped away from me.  I thought that there just weren’t as many birds around my house any more…  

I don’t know what Plan B is, but it’s time for it.  I am going to check out some of the suggestions given to me in my previous post.  Whiskey & Eric are doing some research as well.  I am trying to not think about having to give back the hearing aids but knowing it is a distinct possibility it is at the edge all the time and it makes me literally nauseous.  

I want to stay open, willing, accepting & grateful.