Southwest Leather Dreams

Southwest Leather Conference has been on my bucket list for 5 years. I have been feeling deep in my gut for over a month now that I need to go to SWLC. It’s this feeling of *GO West!*

I am once again at a crossroads in my life and can’t seem to find that deep connection to the energy, the woo, the universal consciousness, whatever you want to call it and I need it. This last couple years is the first time in 30 years that I haven’t been able to reach out and jack into that energy at will. I know the blockage is from all the life miasma that’s been building up but I haven’t been able to shake it. I know with what has happened and what is to come I need my connection back. I have been feeling the loss of it for a while now but not really sure what to do about it. All the ways I used to connect when I was feeling like a stray pup haven’t been working for me. My body is tired, my heart and brain are exhausted.

I know it’s probably too late in the game to even be thinking this is possible but I can’t shake this feeling. I shelved the push when it started because all I could see was how impossible it would be to go. I want to cry when I think about the overall cost of going but at the same time something is telling me this is path to follow. (In my typical smart ass fashion I asked the universe why it couldn’t have been this insistent six months ago when I had a chance of trying to make it happen…no answer was forthcoming.) The Truth is that I already know the answer; I get to the jumping off point when I get there. I am there.

I needed to get it out of my head, own where I am out and put it out into the universe. This is that vulnerable 2am writing that may get deleted when I wake up and the overly logical and defeatist part of my brain kicks in.